


Six Pack

by CadetDru



Series: Before [5]
Category: Dollhouse
Genre: Drinking Beer, Gen, Grieving, Schizophrenia, doll - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:49:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1838299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadetDru/pseuds/CadetDru





	Six Pack

Topher was drinking his birthday beer, the one that Adelle allowed because it was literally the least she could give him. Cheaper than thirty pieces of... gold? Silver? Topher couldn't remember and it didn't matter. He'd returned the Active but he couldn't stop himself from drinking. He wanted to pass out. He had four of a six-pack left to go, and not much of a tolerance for anything any more. 

He sat on his couch and drank, carefully ordering the full and empty bottles. "For she's a jolly good fellow..."

Dr. Saunders walked up to him. "What are you doing?"

"I have authorization!" Topher said, waving his beer bottle around and only spilling some. "I get to do this twice a year!"

"Well congratulations."

"Sit with me."

"No," she said, continuing to stand and judge. 

"Do you have friends?" he asked Dr. Saunders, 

"Do you?" Dr. Saunders repeated. 

"No. I used to. I had one. She was the best. Ever."

"Then what happened?"

"She had a psychotic break and went away and now she's never coming back." 

"I'm sorry."

"Today would have been her birthday. I'm drinking for her birthday. And for her memory. And because there's beer and I miss her and she would've been..." A good doctor, he wanted to say. He couldn't get away from that part. 

The pity and contempt in her eyes was enough to drown anyone. "I'm sorry for your loss," she said, not really meaning it. 

"Thank you."

"What happened?"

"The last time I saw her... well. The last time I saw her she was wearing a fancy dress and fancy shoes and she never knew me at all." He finished his drink, offered a new bottle to Dr. Saunders and was waved off. "The last time I saw her and she knew who I was, she was barefoot and sad, hair a mess and clothes ripped by herself, arms scratched and... She didn't threaten me or anyone. The voices were telling her to, but she didn't listen to them. She knew." He finished the bottle. Dr. Saunders wore perfectly tailored dresses under her immaculate lab coat. She was as perfectly put together as she always was, with her Alpha-tailored scars. He would not say that. He would try not to think that. He would eat his snacks and drink his beer and think nothing at all. 

She didn't reach for him. Didn't place a caring hand on his shoulder. Didn't make small sounds of reassurance. 

"She knew," he said again, "She knew she was hallucinating. That's the worst part. Losing someone by pieces is hard enough, watching little bits of their memories and their real selves get wiped with no chance of restoration... it's worse when they can watch it too. It's better here."

"You really do want to help them," Dr. Saunders said, and the note of surprise in her voice was just another stab in the heart. 

"Of course. We help. We make them better. What do you think about our... about people who come here, become Dolls, to change underlying neurological problems?"

"It's a mistake. You can't get away from it like that. Once they come here, they're forever changed. Even with our meddling, if something goes wrong, if there's a trauma... it could set them off again."

"What about Sierra?"

"We'll see about her."

"And Whiskey."

"He doesn't have that kind of history."

"...right. I was thinking of someone else."

"One of the older Whiskeys?"

"Yes, there was one."

"The girl Alpha killed." Dr. Saunders didn't touch her scars, and Topher respected her for that. Claire would have. Original Recipe Claire, and Spicy Schizophrenic Claire. 

"That poor girl. Dead and gone and gone and dead."

"She was schizophrenic, wasn't she?"

Topher had been too grief-stricken to bother to change that background detail. He hadn't had the heart to change anything big about her. Just that she'd died, really. Couple years off the age, few little details. The work was more on Dr. Saunders, the woman, the myth, the medical professional. 

"You just...you think you're the only one who cares about the dolls. Like no one else does. Like no one else matters. Like you're such a big deal."

"Topher."

"I had a friend and I brought her here and she's gone forever and I am alone and you don't..." Give a fuck. Recognize yourself in the reports. 

"You brought that girl in?"

"...no."

"And now she's dead."

Topher looked up, unable to hide the tears in his eyes. "I..." he laughed. "I try to do my best."

"We all try to be our best."


End file.
